Tell Us Your Best Mother-Daughter Story Contest
Tell Us Your Best Mother – Daughter Story
Win a FREE Session with es.ee photography
A mother’s work is never truly done. Even when kids leave home, they carry a piece of our hearts with them. We believe that mother’s should be celebrated for more than just a day so we’ve dedicated May to Moms and we’re calling it “Mother’s Month!” We are thrilled to announce, in conjunction with es.ee photography, the “Tell Us Your Best Mother – Daughter Story” contest.
Now’s the time to dig deep and recall all those funny, embarrassing, touching moments between you and your mom or you and your daughter. And then share them with us!
The Contest:
Simply tell us in 500 words or less something about your Mom or your Daughter – something funny, sentimental, heroic, embarrassing or just plain sweet. Girls can get in on the action as well. If you have a daughter that would like to enter the contest, simply forward or print this for her.
Our panel of judges will choose 10 stories to receive a free mini-session and 1 winner will receive a free Full Session with Sharma Ferrugia of es.ee photography!
Stories will be judged on their uniqueness, overall appeal and ability to make us laugh…or cry.
Entries must be submitted by email to melinda [at] goodtreecoaching [dot] com and received by Wednesday, May 18. The winners will be announced on Wednesday, May 25.
To view Sharma’s work – CLICK HERE
I can tell you from personal experience…Sharma is hands down the best photographer we have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Winners are in for a real treat!
Let the stories begin! Good luck.
Melinda & the Good Tree Team
The Invisible Mom – Building Cathedrals
I’m sure many of you have seen this before, it’s been around a long time. If not, grab a tissue…you’re in for a treat! In honor of Mothers, Grandmothers, Aunts and anyone who touches the life of a child. Thank you!
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’ Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I’m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’ I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude – but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England .. Gloria had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.
I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘To Susan, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’ In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.’ And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you, Susan. I see the sacrifices you make everyday, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don’t want my child to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, ‘You’re gonna love it there.’
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Just because it was doesn’t mean it always has to be
My mother-in-law has been visiting us this week and because my primary office is in my home, we’ve had the opportunity to discuss a number of issues ranging from pre-k providers to neighborhood pets to preparing for and paying for college. Let me stop right here and say that I adore my mother-in-law. That being said, we don’t always see eye-to-eye on everything (and how many mother and daughter-in-laws do?).
During dinner the other night the discussion turned to male and female “roles” in a marriage. Given the 20+ year age difference between us, you can imagine that we do not see this subject the same way. I believe the subject came up because I like my food hot and I make no apologies for that. I will often plate my food last just so that I can be sure it’s hot, I do not like lukewarm food. Period. My MIL said that she had gotten used to eating her food lukewarm because when her kids were younger she spent most of dinner catering to everyone else (including her husband) and by the time she sat down her food was no longer hot. I must have snorted or otherwise indicated that would not work for me. Although I’m happy to prepare and serve food for my family, if they want something in the middle of dinner, they can get up and get it themselves. We live in a home, not a restaurant. She came back with “well that’s just the way it was back then.” I had to tread lightly since my husband was sitting at the table. I politely told her that that it didn’t have to be that way.
Ever since that night, I’ve been thinking a lot about that conversation. And you know, it boils down to this…just because it “was” that way doesn’t mean it always has to “be” that way. If women just accepted the way things were in generations past we’d still be stuck in the dark ages being drug around by our hair. Women’s History Day and International Women’s Day made me really reflect on how far we, as women, have come.
Are there “expectations” in your family that you have been the one to change? Are there things you’d like to be the one to change? Let us know. We love to be enlightened!
How to Celebrate International Women’s Day from the Comfort of Your Suburban Home
I am thrilled to share with you this fantastic guest post by my friend and much admired colleague, Melissa Wardy, owner of Pigtail Pals. Pigtail Pals is passionate about empowering girls and encouraging parents to “Redefine Girly.” Her blog discusses media literacy, sexualization, gender stereotypes, and body image. Her shops offer inspiring apparel and gifts for girls. She shows the world just how smart, daring and adventurous girls can be. And now…here’s Melissa.
My view of a day spent in a Cape Town township, South Africa
Today is the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day. A day to celebrate economic, political, and social gains by women worldwide. Today we honor achievements, and remember the women before us who brought us to this day. Today. A day to celebrate women.Sisters, wives, mothers, daughters, grandmothers, aunts, neighbors, friends, schoolmates, and coworkers. The women of our world.
Yet in many places of the world, today will pass without celebration. Odds are good somewhere a woman will cradle a starving or sick child. Somewhere a woman will receive verbal threats or a physical blow from an intimate partner. Somewhere a girl will be raped as she walks to school. Somewhere a woman will walk miles for the clean water she needs to feed her family the one meal a day they can afford.
Somewhere a woman will be informed she has lost her job because she had taken time off to birth a child. Somewhere a woman will take home a paycheck that is nearly 1/3 less than that of the guy in the office next to her, although they do the same job. Somewhere a girl will sit in a classroom and be too timid to raise her hand. Somewhere a woman will give up on political ambitions.
All of those things have just happened in the time it took you to read those sentences.
None of these stories have changed in the 100 years we have celebrated women on this day. But still, we celebrate. Because for over 100 years the voices of women have not been silenced, their dreams have not been swept away despite often times incredible odds, their ambitions have been fulfilled despite being met with resistance. Women have always been strong. We have to be. We bear the weight of the world.
Women do 2/3 of the world’s work, earn 10% of the income, and own 1% of the land.
70 million girls are denied access to education in our world, and another 60 million will be sexually assaulted on their way to school.
That all seems far removed from me, as I sit in my comfortable home, typing on my laptop and fetching my son snacks while my daughter is playing at her preschool. It seems as far away as the photo above, that I took during a trip to South Africa in 2003. The children in the foreground danced around us as we unloaded treats from our pockets, and clung to our hands as we talked to the women gathered around those cement basins doing their wash. Do you see the women just right of center, in the white shirt and jean skirt? She was my age when I was on that trip – 25. She had a baby with her, which she later wrapped to her body as she carried her bundled wash on her head. She invited me to walk with her, calling me Tante Melissa. Auntie Melissa. Within minutes we had become sisters. We had nothing in common. Our worlds so different we could have been from separate planets. But still, she offered me smiles and we held hands while we walked. She was proud to show me around. I was honored she accepted me as her friend. When the combi drove away late in the afternoon, she was standing there, waving goodbye to me. I pressed my hand to the glass as I watched her get smaller and smaller.
That trip changed my life. Africa has a way of doing that to you. I have not been able to go back, as now I have my own two babes to carry around. I cannot leave them yet for several weeks at a time, so my return trip will wait. But my compassion does not have to.
Today I will celebrate the women in my world. I will send messages to the family members and colleagues who inspire me. I will thank the teachers at my daughters school. I will call a friend to say hello. I will inspire sisterhood in others. I strongly believe that sisterhood – the power of women coming together and working together – is the final untapped natural resource of our world. And it is continually renewed, with the birth of each new baby girl. We are all sisters.
There are only two IWD events in my entire state. But I won’t let that limit me. I do not believe in limitations. I will not let the comfort of my day-to-day routine in my predictable suburban neighborhood, in my cozy suburban home, make me blind to what we all need to be seeing.
So how can you change the world from where you are?
-Think globally, and donate to the amazing efforts of The Girl Effect, Charity Water, Kiva, and Heifer International.
-Think locally and donate to a women’s shelter, food pantry, Girls Inc, write a letter to a woman soldier, or offer assistance to a family you know that is in need.
-Write a letter and thank your mama.
-Give flowers to a friend or mentor with a hand written note telling her why you honor her.
-Over tip the waitress.
-Stand up and walk over to a nearby office or cubicle and tell a colleague you appreciate them.
-Cook a meal for a neighbor. Or get together with a neighbor and cook some meals for a single mom, a new mom, or a widow.
-Invite that single mom or widow into your home for dinner.
-Round up old toys and books and donate them to a crisis nursery.
-Send cards to your closest girlfriends, thanking them for having your back.
-Bake some cookies with the kids and take them to teachers or nurses on the maternity ward, thanking them for what they do for children.
-Sit down with your children and go through a book or website that shares the biographies of the intrepid women who brought us to this day.
-Draw self portraits with your girl, and help her write down her attributes that make her unique and wonderful.
-Send a note to a former teacher. Do you know how important teachers are?
-Make a commitment to offer more grace and kindness to other women.
-And finally, tonight, when all is quiet and you have your mind all your own, write a letter to yourself. Offer gratitude for everything you have in life. Write down those dreams you are too shy to say out loud, and acknowledge the dreams you’ve already made come true. Write down some happy memories from the last year, and new ones you hope to create. Take the chance to inspire yourself.
From me to you, Happy 100th International Women’s Day. Cheers to us, and let’s prepare to celebrate 100 more!
For more about Pigtail Pals, Melissa and her mission to “Redefine Girly” check her out shop at http://pigtailpals.com and her blog at http://blog.pigtailpals.com
Holiday Traditions…Follow the old or make new ones?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and keep meaning to get it out of my head and onto paper. The holidays are just about upon us so now’s as good of a time as any I suppose. Growing up I have such vivid memories of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It has nothing to do with food or gifts or traveling anywhere in particular. It has everything to do with tradition, my family traditions.
Every Christmas Eve we would go to church then search for a place to have dinner. It was always Mexican or Chinese because in “those days” nothing else was open on Christmas Eve. We usually (not always) got to open one small gift before being shooed off to bed. My sister and I always slept in the same room on Christmas Eve even though we had our own rooms. We would sing Christmas songs and giggle until we fell asleep.
Every Christmas morning my sister and I would wake up way too early and go get my parents. The only rule was that 
we couldn’t wake them before 6:00 am. Now that I’m a parent myself, I think that wake-up time is quite generous. We would all go to the kitchen and get the pastries that we had each chosen the day before. Mom and Dad would have coffee, my sister and I would have hot chocolate. We would then unpack our stockings (one by one). Invariably there would be a box of thin mints in there…yummy. After that we would designate one person to distribute the gifts and we would go around one by one and open gifts. Most years it took only an hour or two but there was one year that it took 6! I remember having to take a nap before I could finish opening presents; that seemed a bit excessive.
The point of all this is that I would be hard pressed to tell you a single gift that I received over the past 30 some odd years but I can tell you just about every detail of our Christmas traditions. This year my husband and I have decided it’s time to start our own family traditions. From this year forward we bake cookies for Santa, spend Christmas Eve at our church and Christmas morning at our house. From there, we will visit with family and friends. I think it’s important for our girls to begin to form their own memories of Christmas and what it means to them and our family. It’s important to begin making our own holiday traditions so that one day my girls can look back and retell every detail of our Christmas together as a family.
How do you celebrate the holidays? Do you follow long passed down family traditions, incorporate some old and some new or are you creating your own family traditions? Please share your story.
The Best Day…How Do You Inspire Your Daughter?
I was listening to a Taylor Swift song the other day and it really got me thinking. Here are some of the lyrics
“I’m thirteen now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop ‘till I forgot all their names
I don’t know who I’m gonna talk to now at school
But I know I’m laughing on the car ride home with you
Don’t know how long it’s gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today”
I started to wonder what my girls would say if they wrote a song about me. What would I want them to write? I would like to think they would remember how I get them up in the morning, get them ready for bed at night, make sure all the school papers are signed and money is turned in on time. How I get them to dance, soccer, school and church on time and how they never want for anything (well anything they really need). I would like to believe they would think about all the laundry that gets done, meals that are cooked, and dishes cleaned. But most of all, I hope they would write about hugs and kisses on skinned knees and tears wiped away when feelings are hurt; bedtime stories and singing out loud; crazy dancing and making up stories; movie night and sneaking dessert when daddy’s out of town.
I know that not every day is perfect but I do hope that the ones they remember as they grow up can be counted among the “best days.”
What about you? If your daughter wrote a song about you what do you think it would say? We’d love to hear your story.
Want to hear the entire song? Here’s a link to the video…enjoy!
Send Her Back to School Prepared to Succeed
It’s that time of year again…back to school! Hopefully your family enjoyed plenty of summer fun. You’ve purchased the backpack and filled it with supplies so that your daughter is prepared for school each day. But have you prepared her for school? Here are a few tips that will help her prepare for more than just a book report or math test.
- Be sure to start each day with a healthy breakfast. You’re heard it a million times…breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And it’s true. Studies show that breakfast eaters tend to have higher school attendance, less tardiness and fewer hunger-induced stomach aches in the morning. Their overall test scores are higher, they concentrate better, solve problems more easily and have better muscle coordination. So whether they eat at home or at school, be sure your children eat a nutritious breakfast every day.
- Send her back in style…her style. Every new season seems to require new clothes. And not just because of girls’ fickle fashion sense but because at this age they are outgrowing their clothes at a rapid pace. A new wardrobe doesn’t have to break the bank though. Fall and Spring bring loads of consignment sales where you can pick up the necessary designer labels at a fraction of retail. More important than the labels you choose is letting her be involved in the decision-making. One technique that works in our family is to let my daughter choose the clothing, try them on and decide which ones she wants. I have a pre-determined budget and the all important “veto power.” Young girls often choose clothing based on color, decorations or symbols on them without much regard for fit, style or what flatters their figure. As we know, one size does not fit all. Guide her to express her personal sense of style in a way that is flattering and encourages a positive self-image.
- Communication is key. In our programs we discuss the difference between talking and communicating. Be sure that your communication with her is a two-way street and that you listen as much as you talk. Many times what goes unsaid is as important as what is actually said. Ask about her day, her teachers, and her friends. Tell her about when you were in school. Let her know that you truly understand the challenges that school presents and that you are available to her if she just needs a listening ear.
- Get her moving. Encourage your daughter to be active and find something she enjoys, whether it’s dance, basketball, cheerleading, jump rope, soccer…whatever she likes, as long as she’s active. Research has shown that girls who play sports do better in school than those who don’t. Exercise improves learning, memory, and concentration, which can give active girls an advantage in the classroom. Girls who play sports also feel better about themselves. Why? It builds confidence when you know you can practice, improve, and achieve your goals. Sports are also a feel-good activity because they help girls get in shape, maintain a healthy weight, and make new friends.
- Plan for downtime. While it’s critically important for girls to be involved in extra-curricular activities such as sports, music, art, and other enrichment programs we have to remember they are still kids and need downtime. Help them find time in their daily schedule for quiet activities such as listening to music, journaling, drawing or just resting. Try to limit television time especially during downtime.
A new school year brings with it excitement, anticipation, and sometimes fear. Provide your daughter with the tools she needs to succeed and watch her grow into the strong, confident, beautiful girl you know she is.
Words Hurt
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me. Wrong! In fact, it’s just the opposite. Most physical cuts do eventually heal but emotional scars take significantly longer and sometimes never fully heal. The bottom line is that Words Hurt!
Were you ever picked on, called names or made fun of growing up? Do you remember the names you were called? I would be willing to bet that you do. And you may even remember the names of the people who teased you. It’s unlikely that being picked on or teased once or twice in your life is going to inflict life-long emotional scars. That type of behavior is more aptly compared with surface cuts and scrapes. However, continual teasing and bullying can inflict emotional scars so deep they may never heal. These wounds are likely unseen and therefore often untreated.
And while many people want to shrug it off as “girls will be girls” or “kids will be kids” I find that untrue and simply unacceptable. A more appropriate response is to help our children understand the effect their words have, on themselves and others – to learn to be empathetic. The definition of empathy is to share in another’s emotions, thoughts or feelings. It is an extension of self-concept, but it is far more complex. It requires an awareness that others think of themselves in ways that are both similar and different from the way you do and that they have emotions they associate with those thoughts and feelings.
Unlike intelligence and physical attractiveness, which depend largely on genetics, empathy is a skill that children learn and therefore, offers an opportunity for us to teach. Children who are empathetic tend to do better in school, in social situations, and in their adult careers. Children and teenagers who are skilled at being empathetic are viewed as leaders by their peers. And do you know who the greatest teachers of empathy are? You got it – Parents!
I have had many “teaching moments” lately. I guess because my girls are getting older and are beginning to navigate the social landscape. It’s amazing to see the wheels turning when you pose the question “How would you feel if someone (called you stupid, shut the door in your face, etc).” Every day we have the opportunity to choose our words, the words we speak to others and the ones we speak to ourselves. Choose wisely and carefully and maybe, just maybe we can stop this bully train in its tracks. At least that is my hope.
“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” Proverbs 18:21 (The Message)
5 Tips to Encourage Self-Confidence and Discourage Mean Kid Behavior
You’ve undoubtedly heard the stories in the news lately about the 15-year old girl who hung herself because she was being bullied and the 3rd grade boy who jumped out a window to end his life so the bullying would stop. I don’t know about you but it just breaks my heart to hear stories like these especially knowing there are countless other stories that are not being told. Here are 5 tips to strengthen your child’s self-image and discourage mean kid behavior:
1. Strengthen Self-Esteem – In most cases, kids who feel good about themselves are less likely to become a target. Some great ways to help your child improve their self-image and self-esteem are setting and meeting goals, learning something new, being part of a group of like-minded kids, volunteering and helping others, and problem solving.
2. Practice Assertiveness – Assertive kids can effectively communicate their feelings and needs without being mean or whiny. They are able to negotiate and mange conflict in a positive and productive way.
3. Encourage Multiple Friendships – Cultivating numerous friends is beneficial in many ways. It allows your child to form a larger group “safety net” instead of having just one BFF. In addition, they are exposed to different activities, interests, and family dynamics that can help them as individuals.
4. Don’t Ignore Mean Kid Behavior – Typically parents and teachers encourage kids to ignore mean kids or “turn the other cheek.” Unfortunately, this rarely works when a child is being bullied and may signal to the bully that their behavior is okay. Instead, teach the child to assertively stand up for themselves. Do not encourage them to be mean in return but to stand their ground. If after three attempts to stop the meanness, the bullying continues, ask an adult for help.
5. Recognize and Strategize – Help them determine what is actually happening and the best resolution strategy. For example, is there a problem to be solved, conflict to resolve, mean-spirited behavior to stand up against or a bullying situation that requires adult involvement? Learning to recognize the root issue can lead to more effective solutions.
Arm yourself and your children with knowledge and strategies to discourage mean kid behavior early on. Unfortunately, for most kids it’s not a matter of if they will experience some form bullying, it’s a matter of when. This is undoubtedly one of life’s situations in which the best defense is a good offense. If you believe your child or someone they know is being picked on seek assistance as soon as possible. Contact us for help and additional resources.
Problem Solving 101 – 3 Simple Steps for Moving Forward When You are Stuck in Neutral
Has this ever happened to you? You are trying to come up with the name for a new program, product, website, etc. and you think about it endlessly yet the perfect name eludes you. Then you run your ideas by someone else (your husband, kids, any warm body) and they immediately come up with what has stumped you for days. What’s up with that?
You’ve undoubtedly heard the phrase “you can’t see the forest for the trees” and that is exactly what’s happening. Sometimes you get so close and involved with something that what you are looking for is probably right in front of you but you simply can’t see it. Next time you find yourself spinning your wheels trying to solve a problem and the answers just aren’t coming, try these simple steps:
Leave it alone. If you find yourself exhausted and drained from trying to “find” the answer leave it alone for at least 24 hours and then come back with a renewed mind and spirit and see if the answers present themselves.
Ask someone else. Preferably someone who has little or no knowledge of what you’re doing. Sounds a little strange, I know. But sometimes you need the perspective of someone who’s not caught up in the process like you are. Run your ideas by a friend, spouse, even your kids can provide amazing insight.
Open your eyes and then go with your gut. If something keeps coming back to you, there’s a reason. Typically when we see the same thing time and time again, it’s meant for us to see.
We can often be our own biggest stumbling block. Sometimes the best solution is to step back, ask for help and trust your instincts; you just might surprise yourself.
Share your thoughts..