Just because it was doesn’t mean it always has to be
My mother-in-law has been visiting us this week and because my primary office is in my home, we’ve had the opportunity to discuss a number of issues ranging from pre-k providers to neighborhood pets to preparing for and paying for college. Let me stop right here and say that I adore my mother-in-law. That being said, we don’t always see eye-to-eye on everything (and how many mother and daughter-in-laws do?).
During dinner the other night the discussion turned to male and female “roles” in a marriage. Given the 20+ year age difference between us, you can imagine that we do not see this subject the same way. I believe the subject came up because I like my food hot and I make no apologies for that. I will often plate my food last just so that I can be sure it’s hot, I do not like lukewarm food. Period. My MIL said that she had gotten used to eating her food lukewarm because when her kids were younger she spent most of dinner catering to everyone else (including her husband) and by the time she sat down her food was no longer hot. I must have snorted or otherwise indicated that would not work for me. Although I’m happy to prepare and serve food for my family, if they want something in the middle of dinner, they can get up and get it themselves. We live in a home, not a restaurant. She came back with “well that’s just the way it was back then.” I had to tread lightly since my husband was sitting at the table. I politely told her that that it didn’t have to be that way.
Ever since that night, I’ve been thinking a lot about that conversation. And you know, it boils down to this…just because it “was” that way doesn’t mean it always has to “be” that way. If women just accepted the way things were in generations past we’d still be stuck in the dark ages being drug around by our hair. Women’s History Day and International Women’s Day made me really reflect on how far we, as women, have come.
Are there “expectations” in your family that you have been the one to change? Are there things you’d like to be the one to change? Let us know. We love to be enlightened!